Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
