the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
