Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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