I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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