holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
