i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
