Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize