The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
