Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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