he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
