the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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