she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
