dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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