omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i dont even know how to be here
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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