They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
