He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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