So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize