I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
