I feel like abortions should bother me more
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
