take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
its liver damage thursday
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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