this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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