This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
