A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
