I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
