apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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