your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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