Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
