are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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