Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
