somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize