I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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