god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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