i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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