I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
