How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
