so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
