I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
