this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
