I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
