New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
