I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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