i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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