The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
