the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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