Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
