Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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