Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
