I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
