dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didn't notice because vodka
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
