I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize