Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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