i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
