before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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