Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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