I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
