I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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