I just threw up on my dentist
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize