So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
