Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
