Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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