im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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