Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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