Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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