It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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