All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
