If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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