5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
