soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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