I would go down on you faster than GM stock
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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