So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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