Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
