she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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